Monday, September 06, 2004


The Right Weapon for the Right Job

Ahoy me buckos and buckettes! It's yer Uncle Slappy with his Helpful Hint o' the Day!
Yer weapon is yer friend. But like any friend, it has to be bought, paid for and/or stolen at the cost of some other fool's miserable life.

Me own favorite weapon is me BLUNDERBUSS. Can ye say "Blunderbuss?" Aye, I know ye can!

Cementhands McCormack's favorite weapon is his massive pair of hands which can lay a well-armed opponent low with one blow (don't ye know?)-vo-di-doh-doh.

Always scrappy, Ol' Chumbucket can inflict all kinds o' damage with naught but a bucket full o' chum.

So, what be YER favorite weapon when locked in a struggle at sea? (Or in yer local tavern?)

Why, my witty repartee, rapier, and pencil-thin moustache!
Arr, me salty hook or me single-shot pistol. Ye don't need anytheng more 'an that.
Ahoy, it be a poll! I love polls - reminds me of the time we... oh, never mind. No time fer sea stories now anway. If me breath and odiferous unwashed body don't keep 'em at bay, well then me grimy, scale-encrusted trusty gaff hook'll take 'em to the deck faster then a trip to Davey Jones' Locker.
Eel-Slime Eric
Me wits. When I can gather 'em.

Otherwise, (a) me womanly curves or (b) me cast-iron skillet, dependin'.
Aye, I've SEEN our Jezebel in action at various social functions and in addition to her own much-touted skills and features (she knows how to USE them curves to full advantage!) she also uses her high tolerance for alcohol to "out-drink" her opponents (and friends).

But I've ORDERED me BLUNDERBUSS from the Seven Bros. Store on our LINKS page - I'm Goin' to be "BLUNDERBUSSTASTIC!"
A dvd of "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" knocks the guys out every time.

There's also something to be said for an F-15. Here's a scrimshaw of what I speak:
Sweet Jayzus, gimme the cat o' nine or even the cat o' eighteen rather than make me watch that bloody movie. Pretty lethal, I agree. Still, I think the best overall weapon is the good old ax. Call me a fundementalist.

Rosco C. Hatten
Arrrrrgh, me weapon o' choice would be me trusty cutlass or me wench. Both are cuttin' and as cold as steel. Arrrrrrgh! The only difference be that while me cutlass slowly kills me enemies, me wench slowly tries to kill me.
Ahoy Frigid! Have ye tried watchin' "The Unbearable Lightness o' Bein'" with yer Harpee o' a wench? That'll be a "Kill or be killed" situation right thar!
Dear Cap'n Slappy:
Hands, feet, teeth, belayin' pin, marlinspike, knife, cutlass, pistol, murderin' piece, 32-pounder: what difference do it make to a pirate when life, ship, and treasure be on the line? Arr, but ye, Cap'n Slappy, has the right idea, I'm thinkin': a blunderbuss in the tavern and a cannon full o' chain shot at sea.
Thankee fer this opportunity.
Black Butch the Dutchman
Cap'n without portfolio
Proprietor of the Dutchman Down Tavern n' Flophouse
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